I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
