I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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