Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
