Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
