when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
