i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
