new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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