i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
