You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
