Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
