He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
