I have demons in me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
