yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
COCAINE IS GR8
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
