4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
