I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
