Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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