My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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