Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
