i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
