I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
