why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my shit smells like andre
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
they're like a gay fantastic four
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
