just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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