I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
