im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
