I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
