I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
