i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
