Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
