i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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