she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
