The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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