THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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