why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
