Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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