We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
