I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
