if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
