We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
