My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
