Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
