We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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