STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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