I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
