I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
