Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
