there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
