So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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