You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
