Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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