I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
