I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
