come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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