Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
