With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
