If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
